You see, relationships can be a funny, funny thing
When you first start out, everything is cool
Everything is fun, but then that nigga gets
That nigga gets comfortable
It was nice while it lasted
Afterward I wondered
Whether I missed the right man
Because you got there first
Wonder if he was hovering around my hips
Warming up my peripheral.
All our wrongness was necessary
Taught me that
Pursuit is not foreplay for commitment
Someone rearranging the chemicals in your brain
Why would I choose such a mental illness?
It was nice on the surface
I got a taste of Barack
Or my father
Though you vehemently denied it.
You didn’t see all the silent ways I forgave you.
Our bodies liked each other
But our moods didn’t
I wanted you to enter me through every part of my life
I don’t know
What more you wanted
You are the one I allude to
When I talk about in love
But you are also the warning I give.
I was too good to you.
You were my ultimate type.
I compare every bearded boy to you
There’s one at my grad school
Who looks so like you I could cry
Right down to the openmouthed gaze
I avoid him like the plague
The year passes over the milestones of our on and off
I am no longer living in the wake of us
But occasionally I touch myself to you.
My mind goes places I have to talk myself out of.
I have this nightmare that we’re together again
I fold myself into the shape of you
A train car
I have a dream that we’re engaged and wake up stressed
I hope it’s not some white girl's hair you’re rearranging
But I hope someone is taking care of you
I hope you’re happy
But more importantly